The less routine the more life
Amos Branson Alcott
Where was this quote years ago!
I could have explained and rationalised my whole being in one sentence!
Only now when I no longer “need it” to justify myself does it arrive!
What it means to live.
Different for us all.
Yet within the current, a flow.
This morning I felt myself dying, again, up and down, it was my daily routine that brought progression.
The old me so desperate to hold on, to all I am, all I do, to validate my place here.
It didn’t work
There was a huge hole, that in truth has been there since the passing of my mother.
It frightened me
This portal within my Leo self
Not from its “roarness”
But the silence
Everything had changed, yet around me all remained the same.
What was waiting beyond this.
Who was this person now
Without the prescence of the very Soul that had given her life
There is something very surreal about the death of a mother
As the child of that energy everything changes
To be reborn or matured
To grow, we require more
Yet today everything that had fed me was no longer enough
I didn’t like this feelingIt demanded expansion from everything, but in reality myself, by letting go.
Something we all say we do yet often return back to
Going into meditation, yearning for this gap to be filled with what was missing, I no longer wanted to walk the realms of grief.
What was and what is now
I was ready to walk through to the next gate.
The World around me lacked lustre
No matter how much I tried to “make it”
So instead I stopped, this was no longer my reality.
Holding space for the tears to flow
Memories of my mother holding me, the only thing I needed.
I reconnected to my creator
Knowing this deep-rest was essential, visualising a mountain before me I shuffled the Oshos Zen TarotSelecting from between receptivity and success
I tuned into the unknown image.
Feeling the energy expand around my head I heard the song all you need is love.
It wasn’t enough
Expanding further I recieved the music to broken wingsIt wasn’t enough
Hearing the birds sing outside, recalling a caged parrot in a garden centre, I had refused to buy, believing to keep him locked up would be cruel I heard ” so why do this to yourself”
Feeling my root and third eye expand into one circle I went deep into the silence as I recieved “listen”
Deciding to ask the card directly for a message I heard ” just ask directly!”
The image was maturity reversed
Today embrace any lows for what they are, a chance to release what was and recieve the growth needed to move forward.
Forget the self as you listen to the stillness of the Divine Feminine within, ask her directly what you need to grow.
Remove duty, thought of merit, fear of loneliness or desire to be-long and utilise the sensitivity, intuition and compassion needed to dissolve obstacles
if things don’t resonate they aren’t applicable, release your own chains, be it logic, reasons or stories, for what they are, holding you back.
I pray we return to the only routine that matters, connection to ourselves, each other, and creator for the success of all may this maturity of true freedom be recieved in all we do.