Can you accept a necessary lockdown for the eternal freedom of knowing what is truly restricting you?

The truth about your heart.

Your heart will fix itself.

It’s your mind you need to worry about.

Your mind where you locked the memories, your mind where you kept pieces of the ones that hurt you, that still cut through you like shards of glass.

Your mind will keep you up at night, make you cry, destroy you over and over again.

You need to convince your mind that it has to let go

Because your heart already knows how to heal.

Nikita Gill

I havent written a blog in a while.

Tuning into to the trepidation around this approaching full moon energy I debated whether to start, changed my mind, received huge downloads and here I am sat opposite a keyboard with no plans but to “show up ”and hope.

Hello Gemini and 2022!

Unlike the eclipses this cold moon lunation feels just that… cold.



Somehow wiser for it.

“The power of accurate observation is often called cynicism by those who havent got it”

George Bernard Shaw

A refreshing approach for a zodiac sign so mentally open it can lead to complete indecision, toing and froing and intellectual exhaustion.

So whats the difference this time round?

A much-needed mental break and subsequent lock down.

Having been in the vibration of this numerical sign all of my life, the last six months and like us all collectively in 2022 I have done what has been required in each moment, to avoid becoming trapped in what has seemed an endless cycle.

Observing the situations around me for what they truly are, reflections of my own inner restrictions.

Emphasis being on observing.

Something quite difficult for a fire sign and indeed for us all currently with the Sun still in Sagittarius as there can be a temptation to act on what we see, think or connect to without …well, seeing, thinking or connecting.

To a bigger vision.

A higher perception.

“Take the limits off of yourself. You will never rise higher than your thinking. Create a great vision for your life.”

Joel Olsteen

The choice we all face, particularly in the Lovers energy next year, is to finally see how we have held ourselves and our own light back.

There is a collective need to look up, from our own internal Feminine reflective self and truly acknowledge what actions, passions and fires will still be burning throughout the next decade!

Yes decade!

This year has been a school full of lessons, many intense, repetitive and as we enter 2022, we are being asked what exams we truly wish to be marked on, what foundations we are “lying” both to ourselves and each other.

“The naked truth is still taboo”

Bob Dylan

For myself, having started a counselling course a few months back I have stripped the empath role.

One of the largest influences next year, in regard to what it truly means to be heard in our own truth.

Alongside whether we actually want this response-ability seen!

I have questioned and reflected over my own maternal relationship, with  others, Pachamama, my mother and finally the ultimate union, myself.

It has been lacking.

No, dimmed, held back, tortured and dare I say it abused from my own internal Devil the other vibration we all collectively come face to face with in the next twelve months.

Knowing inside I hadnt truly felt heard from an empathic perspective, with no judgements, interferences, guidance or opinions I could initially explain every shadow throughout my life.

Naively believing I “had done the work” found the solution to my own freedom, the “pan-demic” gifted what I pray will be its last lesson earlier this week.

Not another dose of infection, despite my concerns regarding the tightness in my own heart space, I have tested negative.

Not the limitations potentially being opposed on us, alongside the obvious fear mongering through noticeable language collectively and impact on mental wellbeing.

Not the financial hardships that have resulted in many knee jerk reactions to “save” my situation, that actually go completely against my own heart.

For me, the Devil took the form of everything I had ever wanted.

Or believed I had.

I was finally heard.

“Success is getting what you want.

Happiness is wanting what you get”

Dale Carnegie

Discussing my not so ideal client in class, relating it back to my own perceived lack of nurture and compassion and intolerance of “victim mentality,” given the opportunity to speak, I bolted.

First verbally, spewing words everywhere and then physically.

Rushing outside to partake in tobacco and way too much addictive caffeine, I had no explanation for what I was feeling!

Over the next twenty-four hours I began to notice embarrassment, shame, guilt  for sharing my emotions at such a level.

My chest began to tighten and clear.

My physiotherapist rang about exercises to increase the strength and support in my knees and widening mobility of my hips.

And my subconscious highlighted exactly what I needed to hear through a noticeably clear dream.

Face to face with a woman in the services she had asked me if I knew how “interesting it was to wrestle” with her.




Constantly battling with them within me

“Trauma is not what happens to us, but what we hold inside in the absence of an empathic witness”

Peter A Levine

Finally yesterday as the very foundations of my mother’s headstone were laid, with the plan of the monument that celebrates the resting of my Ancestors to be placed on Yule, many aspects that have “marked” my own life stood into the light to be seen.

I had actually surrounded myself with people that couldn’t hear me to avoid the very thing I believed I had longed for so I could narrate an ancient story.


 I hadnt received what I needed to move forward.

To be heard.

I had embraced this dis-ease within me as my truth, the very structure behind all I had achieved.

I have spent the last few months looking at morals and how they form our perceptions, stereotypes, prejudice, discrimination and ultimate assumptions alongside the impact this has on relationships.

My own have been created from survival, like us all, from the reptilian mind, not the heart.

Whilst these strengths have led to an innate ability to find my own answers, rise again and aid others to do the same they havent always been compassionate to my own process.

For fear of judgement.

Not from others.


Often separating the Sacred union of my own Masculine and Feminine.

My actions, like so many of us in 2021, have come from a wounded Feminine that needed nurturing.

It has been this awareness that has led to the untying of my own internal knots, slowly, steadily over the last six months.

“Love has no age, no limit and no death”

John Galsworthy

Culminating yesterday with the realisation of my own limits on love and exactly how it is THIS that can aid my growth and freedom now.

I have of late been noticing a deep inability to tolerate lower energies, including food, situations, media, and people.

As with all lessons, each time has been more revealing.

Hearing many fears from loved ones rising to the surface, feeling extreme tension in my own body, I have finally recognised the presence of trauma within me.

That had been so deeply hidden I had believed it had gone or had refused to listen.

To the very conversation I had been avoiding for so exceptionally long.




All entangled together within me.

“Trauma creates change you don’t choose. Healing is about creating change you do choose”

Michelle Rosenthal

Not holding me back as I had once believed but moving me forward with the recognition they were still there.

Waiting for “their turn” behind the healing I had believed was occurring!

Nothing was actually needed for this to shift but to hold space.

To listen with compassion and empathy.

From a higher vibration of my heart.

Not my mind.

This morning there was no guidance to rush the process, no opinions based on past experiences, no stereotypes of how I should be behaving, no prejudice on what I believed was occurring.

In this space any discrimination towards my own feelings or assumptions of where I thought I was in the process were removed.

In this freedom, the relationship with myself became more committed than any exercise regime, courses or manifestation lists could ever provide.

It was from here I tuned into the Full moon energy available, and this blog was written.

I’ve  decided not to end it with great detail regarding the services I will be offering next year or discuss upcoming potential study days as they can all be found here alongside daily and weekly guidance as always

The naked truth of the matter is the energy at present is uncertain.

“In the face of uncertainty, there is nothing wrong with hope”

O. Carl Simonton

Actually let’s unlock that shall we, for the gift it is, full of ideas and potential hope.

The choices however we are being asked to illuminate this Full moon and next year, will and always have been how we decide to see this expansive vision and from where.

The actions of the masculine

The support of the feminine

The higher guidance of what is actually being created as a result.

Instead I shall complete this “peace” by following the Universe, allowing my own inner tuition to write the rights, having just landed on a page about Angelina Jolie.

Who is, you guessed it, a Gemini!

Speaking of the support we can all give each other at any time of any year through our language and words, it is this we take forward now, empathically, by listening.

Actually hearing what is going on for us all and the very perceived differences that could unite us.

“If being sane is thinking there’s something wrong with being different, I’d rather be completely fucking mental”

Angelina Jolie

 Having just completed her latest movie “eternals” staring as a very symbolic almost identical role of Athena, the owl leading Goddess born from the forehead of the Masculine god Zeus, Angelina Jolie has re-created herself in more ways than most.

By facing public scrutiny

Stepping into the role of motherhood ( despite once believing she lacked maternal empathy)

Understanding the ebb and flow of the spot “light” and retreating or shining, as necessary.

Establishing her “twin” flame relationships as catalyst for change

Opening her own naked vulnerability at a pace that is comfortable.

 And is constantly evolving by facing her past, reclaiming herself, rising again on a path that is true to her own heart.

In short Angelina’s whole zodiac is a perfect example of a person who wants to be free.

Cue the solstice.

The light returning.

For us all.

“Become who you are”

Fredrich Nietzsche

This last full Moon in Gemini of 2021 is gifting us a glimpse of next year, for those willing to use their own sixth senses.

To hear, see, touch, breathe and taste the higher wisdom trying to be illuminated as the original teacher of 2021.

Not the Feminine

Not the Patriarchy

Not Dogma

The light of our own connection here and our own trepidation and fear regarding ourselves and the impact this will have on our physical twin body.

To release the restrictions to this however we will need to continue facing our own inner demons rather than reflect them out onto others.

Take response-ability for what it is we actually wish to create by recognising the very reasons and needs behind it with acceptance of the healing journey that will occur.

Seek aid to hold us reflectively accountable.

And accept lockdown

Not from each other and society

Not from the heart that still dares to dream

But the mind

For it is from here true choice is born.

Until we meet again

In deepest munay



What is really restricting you?

#blog #soulmidwife #guidance #gemini #fullmoon #fullmooningemini #2022

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