Today I have decided to share the daily card pulled for the collective consciousness and the messages recieved ( all of which can be found regularly on my Facebook page here:https://www.facebook.com/middleagedmadwoman)
Wake not a sleeping lion
Chinese proverb
I miss my mum so much
Sorting things out yesterday, although incredible, felt like saying goodbye all over again.
Whilst I know what I’m actually doing is opening up to the next stage of our relationship, it hurts
. 
What was is no more
Grief seems to be a silent roar within me, within which I appear to be walking through many doors, leaving behind yet another story I shared with my mother.
I know this allows me, her, us to move forward carrying only the love we are, but at times I feel not only am I losing my mum but another part of who I am.
Despite my egoic concerns about what will be left, I know it will be the truth of love not the stories that remind me of this Divinity within me.
Waking today, having been with my mum in my dreamtime, experiencing her passing all over again, this time I was a teenager.
Misunderstood
Unable to communicate the love I felt
My family were advised by my mother to watch out for me, as she left behind her chair.
The place she sat, in my life, now empty, but still there.
I didn’t want to wake upI felt as though someone had punched me in the solar plexus, at times struggling to breath from the weight on my chest and silenced grief in my throat.
But unlike before, my body refused to cry.
Instead I sat with myself, honouring the process for what it was.
Not forcing
Fixing
Healing
Knowing I could hold space for the pain, my own mother had taught me well.
Watching the roses beside me finally bloom, I couldn’t help noticing the “fallen one”
The bud that had let go, given its life and potential to provide space for the beauty of others to grow.
The recognition of this in my own mother, all she did for others with no complaints or expectations, hurt
.
The pride
The love
There was something so very Sacred about the lone bloom that lay on the belly of Pachamama
Knowing it will become the fertiliser for the very roots of all that would grow
With that, this morning, my tears fell.
In my own meditation, I could no longer close my eyes.
Looking around me at my Earth Mother, my heart felt hungry for love as it drunk in the colours and sounds.
But it wasn’t enough to birth the emotions so vast within me in a way I could express them.
I needed a horse
Not allowing my mind to question why our how I sat with this truth.
This deep connection I had always had
I knew why my own mother last night had recommended my aunt look out for me.
She introduced me to horses at an age where I couldn’t talk, until a time when I was finally heard.
They knew
They shared the communication of Divine unbridled love
.
Shuffling the Tarot, heart so expanded, I wondered how much more stretching I could take, as I randomly ironically selected from behind Strength.
There was no going back now
I was awake
On so many levels, to a different reality.
At first I didn’t want to tune into the card.
Happy to be detached
Sensing I could be open to the message without becoming its energy, that this would empower me, I held the image without looking.
Watching a bumble bee upon a flower, I heard “feed from the pollen that will help you grow, dust your feet, ever so lightly, bring beauty to your path”
Feeling not to go to deep today, aware of a collective roar rising within the injured “lie-on” of the World I asked for a message and recieved the song, tiptoe through the tulips.
The card was the ten of Wands, beneath which sat the Four of cups and the Tower
This week many things will be brought to light.
Stories of silencing, pain, disconnection, ready to leave the universal aura.
Hold space for this individually now, be aware without becoming
.May your releases be as gentle as the rose that falls providing space for great beauty.
May your tears bloom the shifts that have taken great strength to hold as they return, not to the vision of those “asleep”-at times ourselves included in the desire to awaken, but the belly of Pachamama
.May your own growth be spoken and heard by yourself and in that may you ride light and free into the storm of the change you seek.
For more information on this weeks energy check out my weekly readings page here:https://kirstydignam.co.uk/weekly-readings/
In munay
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