Fly me to the moon
And let me play among the stars
Let me see what spring is like on Jupiter and Mars
In other words, hold my hand
In other words, darling, kiss me
Fill my heart with song
And let me sing forever more
You are all I long for, all I worship and adore
In other words, please be true
In other words, I love you
Fill my heart with song and let me sing forever more
You are all I long for, all I worship and adore
In other words, please be true
In other words, I love you
“You swim to heaven you know”
It had been some of my mother’s last words and although they made absolutely no sense, despite recognising the river Styx in her beliefs they like her life and ultimate death brought great comfort to all aspects of my Soul.
Each tear I cried flowed more waters for her to arrive.
Her choking gurgling rattling breath for hours disguised as “ spitting out excess water on her way”
The current ebb and flow of emotions I now feel as I face a life, albeit physical one, without her.
Only through Death can one truly observe the character of life.
Born in 1955 to an Aquarian female my mother, being cancerian taught me all there is to know about emotions, family, love.
Recently she gifted me my biggest lessons.
Through her death.
Up until six months ago our relationship, whilst slowly repairing, remained choppy to say the least.
Being raised, alongside my three siblings in a single parent home, in a poverty-stricken area, I watched my mother not only feed, cloth and raise us but lift all those around her, whilst restudying as a Social worker in her forties!
Right up until her last breath, and it would seem beyond she continues to highlight the welfare system of others.
Discovering she had cancer in august, my mother set out on a mission to prepare everyone for a life without her.
When your body gets tired swim with your heart
A fighter from the start, this week, February the 5th at 8:03, the Universe finally answered my deepest fears.
Haunting me since the age of eleven and the passing of my own grandmother.
Always giving my mother spent her last week praying for my now recovered cousin to be out of his COVID-19 coma.
Rectified any unfinished business spending time with us all; discussing my own overdose, our isolated independent relationship, healing ( it turns out it is her bloodline that continues to aid me with such deep connection) and said her farewells to all her own family and friends.
All the time holding space and comforting others!
Clearing any debts, organising her own funeral, and finding time to write a familiar childhood phrase on my shoes “ PS I swear to god I’m not creeping!” my beloved had cleared the path for us to be with her completely in her final moments.
Great vision without great people is irrelevant
James C Collins
Surrounded by her “forever family”, this last week I have had the honour of witnessing true spirituality.
Love in its greatest forms.
The only way forward.
Doing our absolute best with the ethos of no judgement, spending each day and night in shifts, caring, washing, moistening my mother’s mouth while she slowly, fought until the end.
My mother even “rocked Death”
Knowing and trusting we would be with her, resting when able, I watched with awe at my own mother’s soul and its healing abilities.
The bigger vision
The hope of love.
Where there is no vision there is no hope
George Washington Carver
Left with minimal support, a group of pained souls who at any other time would row, came together with a force I have never seen.
Tears and heartbreak shared
We watched as our mother defied the odds.
At a point where no drugs were working, leaving the care staff in awe ( something she did with such humility) we discovered she possessed a rare gene that meant she nurtured all things including cancer, ensuring its unusually rapid aggressive growth.
It was here she, I, we, surrendered.
To what was to be.
I found my own prayers begin to change.
Selfless action is a source of Strength
Having avoided sacred space.
Feared my own answers.
Ensuring mum was rested, hearing her unable to speak, I went into the garden, heartbroken and angry.
Calling in the ancestors, Great spirit and Pachamama I begged for help as the skies opened and thunder rumbled with the presence of the mighty Heyoka’s alongside Archangel Azrael.
I didn’t feel ready, longed for time to stop.
It sped up.
Within two hours we had been visited by the Rowans, a palliative consultant specialist, a nurse called “Kirsty” and an old neighbour from a time when I had “lost everything” to build a “plan” for mum.
You have to keep breaking your heart until it opens
None of which mattered.
It would be, with great honour, her loved ones that would help her deliver and not without a few births ourselves!
My own came from my child.
I hadn’t believed he would stay.
Yet here sat my own 19-year-old shy, quiet, withdrawn “sun” holding my mother, wiping her face, calming her through pain.
Side by side for what felt like an eternity.
Holding my mother’s hands, whilst with each ragged breath she released another part of her soul.
It would take us all.
To be open enough for her to pass, or swim through our own hearts, with ease and grace.
Everyone has talent what is rare is the courage to follow the talent to the dark place where it leads.
Anything that stood in the way of love, of us all stepping into this year’s Temperance needed to be cleared.
From family disagreements now cleared through to movie night with the grandchildren, slowly my mother created her own birth environment.
As the true Hierophant number she had always been, my mother facilitated our own discoveries.
Ironically allowing us to believe it was we who held space for her.
If you allow yourself to expect guidance, guidance will show up.
Dr Richard Bartle
Spending several hours tracking her soul’s passing in my body I watched my own son developing this Ancestral gift.
With deep pride at his ability for healing and compassionate release.
I saw what she had seen in me for so many years.
Sitting together I felt the gap that had been expanding between us, the inherent side effect of this mother child relationship begin to mend as my own mother witnessed the flow of her blood river through us all.
Her love was and always would be our guide.
Especially these days when everything is so polite and so proper, I think the rites of passage are good
Having passed on the womb rites earlier, as she reminded me, she would always be in here ( third eye- wisdom- Llachay), here ( heart- munay) and here ( womb- service- Llankay), I found myself wondering how four days had seemed like hours.
Questioning if I had “missed something” ceremonial in order to help her deliverance.
I paused and breathed.
Witnessed all that was unfolding in front of me.
Recognising time had indeed stopped, the veil had begun to open, my son now asleep, whilst my brother assured my mother she could go, I joined my sister in the garden with a tea beneath the stars.
If you do not know your history then you do not know anything, you are a leaf that doesn’t know it is part of a tree.
Calling in my grandmother, feeling her immediate presence in the leaves in my cup, I knew instantly, despite “no change” it was time.
Requesting help from my ancestors with the deepest admiration and love I said my own goodbyes the only way I knew how.
Clearing the air with Palo Santo, opening the door, my “baby” sister took the hand of my mother as she began her slow release.
Drumming gently over her body sounding out her soul with ease, my mother held her last breath for her Grand “sun”, waking in time to stand at the bottom of her bed, she finally let go to Frank Sinatra “fly me to the moon”
With a beauty and Sacredness I havent seen in such an exceptionally long time.
A vision far greater than this human world.
Beyond any hopes or fears, barriers or expectations, religions, or beliefs.
“Tuqui Llachay” the experience of being one with all the living Cosmos.
Prayer is the inner bath of love into which the soul plunges itself
Despite declaring I wouldn’t bathe my mother, having “switched off” so many times before in this situation my heart yearned to ensure her body was healed.
Infusing the Sacred waters with Palo Santo and her favourite perfume, beautiful, side by side with my sisters with love and tenderness we ensured my mother was cared for by her beloved family up until the end.
Returning the infinite gift she had bestowed upon us throughout lifetimes.
As we shared our tears and respects, I could feel her Soul gently reminding us “not to miss a spot!” to make sure all was complete.
Leaving each of us after with time, I couldn’t bare to be alone with her.
Feeling my own heart, my inner child desperate to hold on, I knew I was avoiding goodbye.
Without which she couldn’t leave.
Did you ever know that you’re my hero and everything I would like to be. I can fly higher than an eagle for you are the wind beneath my wings.
Watching as a rare Kestrel flew overhead in an area so restricted, knowing she didn’t belong here, it was time.
To be as selfless as my mother had been.
To finish the Wheel
Guiding my mother’s soul to the East and rebirth.
Sat alone, speaking the lord’s prayer, my mothers’ favourite, placing a plaque from Saint Kateri, Lilly of the tomahawks, her feast on the day of my mother’s birth, I held on.
Head on her chest
Feeling such peace and love
Bette meddler on the radio, I could feel my mother lifting me up as always.
Reminding me to get up.
To live my life.
Life should not only be lived it should be celebrated.
Turning up the music, her favourite and ironically funeral song “little white bull” (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PDFiWxz8dqs) I could feel white buffalo Calf woman with my mother as she had been with my nan.
Standing, just, supporting my thirty-three-year-old sister, the same age my mother had been when my nan passed, we laughed as she physically left her home in a car with the numberplate L33 ffs!!!
When one sits in the hoop of people one must be responsible because all of creation is related and the hurt of one is the hurt of all and the honour of one is the honour of all and whatever we do affects everything in the Universe.
White buffalo Calf woman
Watching the children dance to their favourite “mama” related songs, as a plate on the wall fell down it occurred to me that our “work” was yet to be finished.
The plaque, gifted to my nan, had been hated all my mother’s life.
Feeling as though she had been robbed my own nans passing had indeed caused so much trauma and separation along the female bloodline.
For us all
My mother had requested when she died that the plate be smashed so she could re-unite with her own “mum”.
With music blaring, in the centre of the street, this is what we did.
My aunty, having been with my nan when she passed, channelling all the rage, pain and grief that had yet to be expressed threw the memory to the ground where it smashed into many shards.
Feeling the huge ancestral clearing that had occurred, we as an “old school traveling family” picked up the pieces together.
My open hearts family celebrates not only the traditional family but also extended families, that we create from the people we open our hearts to as we journey through life.
As I write this my mother has been “gone” for four days, yet nothing could be further from the truth.
She has and continues to affect and move others through her memories, wisdom, and love.
I have had incredible souls contact me to say how they have felt her crossing despite never meeting her.
Danced their own remembrance for her and my Ancestors.
Received healing and dreams.
I myself have experienced the deepest physical shift in my own energy, having tracked her pain for so long, I am slowly returning back to health, knowing the day her body is transmuted so too will our family’s ailments, for she carried so much for so many.
I have been greeted by daily insights, wisdom, and messages in all I see and do and feel a deep yearning to share these forward as promised https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZTptUr_e0v4
But I have also become acutely aware leading up to this Aquarian new moon of a lack of vision.
Selflessness that is now missing from my life on all levels
Contacted by individuals unable to “see past their own noses” something my mother would with great fondness and patience observe regularly I have been somewhat sternly woken to what is in front of me.
To be expected given the circumstances and numerical energy for the year, I am considering my own place in a Spiritually hierarchal world.
I know it is not time, despite being a “new moon” to initiate change based on what is available.
Like Temperance I, and the collective are being gifted a chance to balance life and death whilst dipping our toes in the potential.
For me personally this currently includes time with my family: continued guidance for the collective https://www.facebook.com/groups/200334081120129:the possibility of setting my mother’s legacy literally in stone through the continuation of her Jewellery making and acceptance of who I am and what I am here to achieve without the now so obvious distractions.
The greatest legacy one can pass onto one’s children is not money or other material things accumulated in one’s life- but rather a legacy of character and faith.
Throughout her whole life and even now my mother has no money to leave behind.
What she has and continues to gift goes far beyond any thing one can merely obtain to what has to be earnt.
Our own Divine birth right.
Our rent here.
How we connect to the Earth and each other.
This new moon in Aquarius apparently lines up with six other planets in a stellium that hasn’t been seen since the sixties, a time of “free love”
As we enter the Chinese New Year of the Bull, on the day of my own grandmother’s birth, two days before the country celebrates “love” we have a unique opportunity to open up to our own bigger vision.
Where we are being stubborn in our own beliefs.
How we are applying beauty to life.
How Sacred the path we walk truly is.
The connections we are making for our whole journey.
The faith in our own ability to release what no longer helps us see the light we are.
Grief is like the ocean it comes in waves ebbing and flowing sometimes the water is calm and sometimes it is overwhelming all we can do is learn to swim.
With each day I find myself floating or treading water, much like the collective.
Each moment I am reminded of the arm bands of support my mother has given me.
The strength and power to “get up”
To” swim my way to heaven” on Earth.
With each Soul stroke I reconnect to a space within me where she resides eternally.
Feeling the waves of her wisdom upon my own path.
- Feel, love, have no unfinished business.
- Stand in your differences but come together when it is needed.
- Trust divine timing
- Dance let music see you home to your own rhythm.
- It is never too late to help others in all we do.
- Have faith
- Create life no matter how limited and live it.
- Connect to your Ancestral gifts, allow them to heal any rifts not widen them.
- All is Sacred
- All is balance
- All is love
My mother or rather her physical dis-ease died the same day as her favourite musical singer, from the Sound of Music.
As she crosses the great ocean of love continually shared by all those that had the honour of knowing her, I pray we remember this week, what truly are “our favourite things” and do all we can to flow towards them.
Until we swim together again, Eve Ward, I thank you for “choosing me”.
I love you to the moon and back.
Ps I swear to God I am no longer creeping but swimming with you forever.
Do you need a floatation device this new moon?