I do not want your answers, your good advice.
I do not want your theories about ‘why’ or ‘how’.
I do not need your pity.
Your attempts to make me feel better only make me feel worse.
I am human, just like you, and crave realness.
Just be present with me.
Give me space.
Hold my trembling hand, sometimes.
Your attention is so precious to me.
Your being speaks volumes.
If you feel uncomfortable, do not be ashamed.
If you do not know what to say to me, that is okay; I feel that way too, sometimes.
If you feel disgusted, angry, uncertain, fearful, that is okay, I love you for it.
You are human, too.
Put your textbook learning to one side now.
Do not try to have ‘unconditional positive regard’; it feels so false to me.
Forget ’empathy’ – I want you to come closer than that.
See, I am you, in disguise.
These are your broken bones, your shallow breaths, your twisted limbs.
I am your mirror; you are seeing yourself.
Do not try to be strong for me.
I am not a victim.
Fall apart if you must.
Weep, if you need to weep.
Mourn those shattered dreams, those lost futures.
Let the past slip away too. Meet me here, now, in the fire of presence, with the fullness of your being.
I speak in an ancient language now.
I want you to be a witness.
– Jeff Foster
Message from a dying friend.
Can you hear “ her” calling
The old “ways”
The Feminine as we have known her, or not as the case may be.
The Dark Goddess.
When nothing is sure everything is possible
This morning I found myself facing my laptop with so much to write about the up coming Beaver or “Mourning” Full moon.
With only an hour to go!
I did not know where to start, in truth, but that is often all it takes.
Reaching for a branch, be it peace, creativity, life.
Underneath it all I could hear a faint voice.
Urging me just to let go.
Release all I thought I knew and listen truly to the communication occurring within and around me.
Remembering the first time I truly heard “her”
Ignoring her screams.
Muffling my ears with courses.
Keeping busy, until I had decided to write “her” words.
It occurred ironically whilst discussing the Lovers card.
For teaching, a decade ago.
A tree that is unbending is easily broken
My Soul path number.
The energy of this Full moon in Gemini.
I recall channel-IN.
Eventually found by my husband holding my head, stifling the knowledge that was beyond my own understanding, rocking on the floor hours later.
We both questioned my sanity.
I refused to go there ever since.
Willingly at least.
Often being dragged from “circumstances out of my control”
Until I discovered a map.
A sequence of events that could lead me to the void, to “her” where we could talk.
Without the devastation.
There will come a time when you believe everything is finished, that will be the beginning.
Louis L Aamour
It took surrender.
Death of everything that was occurring.
Sometimes gratefully- sometimes not.
Until I could descend to the heart of the Underworld and face “her”
Only here could I truly navigate the river that ran between what was and what was to be.
The knife edge of Worlds.
The veil of illusion
Listen closely. Even the trees exhale their own sweet love songs that roll off their branches and echo out to all of creation- love is always in the air.
I have been hearing the same voice of late.
The uncertainty, anxiety, tension of old polarities threatening to rise, particularly over the next few days and months.
The past is dying.
But never more so than this year.
Which leaves “her” calling
At times “begging” for us to listen
Be “her” midwife
The chance to truly vision what is occurring to ourselves, our families our world through this labour of love.
Necessary to finally cleanse our inner sight so we may hold and be the light of a new perspective.
Raw and real.
Like a new-born child in the arms of the one energy that has always been there.
The Mother, waiting for her own children to return.
To the Womb, Eden, to remember who we truly are.
The law of polarity decrees that everything has an opposite. It is the flipside of the coin, your right, my left, the front, the back: consider this next time you disagree with someone because they are right from their point of view.
Gemini is portrayed by opposition.
Masculine and feminine
Light and dark
Seen and unseen.
Adam and Eve
Above them, this, waiting with patience, witnessing is union.
The Angelic potential blueprint that guides all polarity.
This full moon we get to decide the name of this force.
Raphael for healing
Christ for consciousness
God for faith
Astrology for the planetary influence
Pachamama for physical connection
Our past strengths or future self.
The story underlying our place here.
We try to be driven by what is a good story, whats truthful and the drama of what happens next.
But, to truly embody the energy of Temperance for 2021 we must hear the call to rise.
The so often underplayed yet pivotal foundation not only of this year, being the 20th card in the Tarot, but life and all that threatens to destroy it.
To rebirth the light within us we must discover what is hiding beneath.
Unconditional love that goes beyond the overthinking, analytical mind and empowers us to seek a different view.
Our own image.
It is only now in writing this I can hear the deeper message beyond “this” energy.
Reminded not to get distracted, a common temptation when in-bodying the energy of Gemini, this morning I find myself observing old patterns.
Staying present in this moment, fighting the urge to “jump” forward to the insights coming through for December, due to a “lack” of relevant information for this full moon, I have listened.
Grateful for this moment.
Never bend your head, always hold it high, look the world right in the eye.
Pausing to reflect over all that has occurred.
Compassionate to old scenarios, I realise it is this story that is no longer relevant.
Its “his-story” not hers.
Not being enough.
Whether it is information to share in a blog, healing, finances, time with my family.
This once collapsible foundation behind the “patriarchy” of all that is created, has true Emperor style- finally been destroyed.
The potential available to many if they are able to fall, to surrender- into the Full moon energy this month.
The last Lunar eclipse of the year.
By tuning into our own emotional strength and flexibility we can truly witness the “miracle” that could occur from now until- well eternally.
Like all eclipses this energy will change naturally, giving us a wonderful position to be, give and take, flow.
To step into as always, the Universal force within us all.
A belief system is nothing more than a thought system you have thought over and over again.
Wayne. W. Dyer
We are being gifted a choice as always.
To acknowledge anything that is not of this energy, no matter how uncomfortable.
To listen to the “language of love” coming from “her” that has for too long fallen on deaf ears.
Over the last few weeks I have been brought to my knees
Forced to hear.
My” audience” now cleared, something that will occur greatly for many over the next months my Sacral is purging!
As I continue to witness many descents and returns from the Underworld.
Spending much time with my own mother, talking, grieving, releasing, growing, and uniting I have found myself often holding space for what is being asked of me.
My “branch” of healing and teaching.
Connecting to four main aspects of “her”
It does not matter where I am, into the void I go.
Those that know me are aware this is a regular occurrence as and when needed.
Beliefs, ego, structure are removed.
When called I answer.
The goddess is not separate from the World- she is the world and all things in it: Moon, sun, Earth, stars, Stone, Seed, Flowing river, wind, Wave, Leaf, Branch, Bud and blossom, Fang and claw- Woman and Man.
Unlike so many, myself included decades ago, I no longer wait for the journey to the Dark Goddess to be unplanned, destructive, unnecessarily painful.
I go willingly, or at least as much as I can, and will be guiding many others, in our group to do so in December in time for the Sagittarian new moon ( details can be found here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/200334081120129)
This has had incredible results throughout my life, but this month in particular has gained a divine completion.
To whom I am
My purpose here
My lessons and teachings
What 2021 may look like, for myself and those I hold dear.
Told initially we had months with our Mother, she is now to be “treated” giving us extended time.
My cousin has not only survived intensive care but returned home having gone to the depths of corona.
My uncle’s bowel cancer is operable.
My brother may be having brain surgery.
My husbands’ shop is “still standing” after it is first year during a global Pandemic.
Surrendering to an increased despair, with no judgement has led to its polarity of hope.
Some rather seek up high than dig and grind that inner truth
Through terminal diagnosis be it relationships, careers, health we have been given a “quality of life”
Not from the drugs
But from ourselves, and the images we have for each other.
Witnessing, communicating, observing, and holding space for Death.
Shedding what was
The things that stood in the way of the one thing we all longed for
The true information behind the Serpent.
The beauty way of healing and being here upon the belly of Pachamama.
It has been hard
Soul destroying almost
There have been times when I have cried to sleep and woke doing the same but here is the thing.
I would not change it for the World.
This descent to the Dark Goddess, my deepest fears, pains, be-longings have all been surrendered.
I have danced the seven veils.
Like so many before me.
In the silence of love I am recreating myself once more.
Underneath it all I have found the very foundation upon which all life exists.
Regaining the very thing we are all told we have lost.
My place within the womb of the Pachamama.
There is no “unfinished busy-ness” between my mother and I, on so many levels.
Lying in her arms a few days ago, watching “back to the future” be-in who we have always been, child and mother, everything I had believed ended.
Now, searching through the internet, looking at the regular patterns and themes of Astrological reports for this Moon- I find myself no longer resonating with their stories, their interpretations.
Collectively I hold great compassion for all that is being brought to light without needing to “fix” or push what is occurring.
Which is perfect.
For me it has died.
Not by letting it go or being blinded- but seeing it all for the truths they are trying to “cover up”
To plant a garden is to believe in a tomorrow
There are always hidden messages coming to light- this Full Moon in Gemini will no doubt bring them to the surface.
But the biggest communication is and always has been to look at our own re-action.
To address our own role in karma, by observing what we do with the inner-sight given.
Not based on the future- we know the “age of Aquarius” begins according to some on this Solstice.
The return of the light.
The Golden Age.
The Christ consciousness.
But how it applies to now
I can personally look back and see the completion of a descent that occurred with the Mayan calendar ending in 2012.
This crisis, similar to the current collective left me ill, homeless, jobless, faithless-with no identity but that of dis-ease on all levels.
Can I learn “soul-eye” from that now
The past and the future, like the Lovers are two dualities of the one.
I will love you not starting with your skin or your organs or your bones I will love you madly for your naked soul.
It is only by combining them, in the embrace of the Mother–that we shed anything that is not of love.
The Star we have all followed this year, some to more or less direction, the deep know-in of presence.
The “cliché” overused, often spoke of rarely opened, gift of life.
Delivered only by “her”
This month I have seen the rise of the Goddess:
In the twisted painful face of my sisters.
My own Empiric brother.
My Mother and the reflection of her own light and strength.
This year I have heard “her” calling me to build my own tribe.
To realise, often with great pain, who has supported me, who has beautifully moved on.
Re- discovering my family their importance within my own foundation and the deep wound of structuring myself around those who are able to see “her”.
This decade I have felt the changes of “her” healing, the realisation of a Higher connection to life.
This life- time I have heard “her”, seen her, felt “her” and continue to deliver “her” in all I do and am.
This “Soul” has remembered the voice as her own familiar.
It will never be crowded on the leading edge, but you do not need to have a crowd to have a tribe
I am beyond humility to have held space for “her” death and re-birth.
My once dying friend.
The Divine Feminine
The fifth element.
The light that continues to guide me forward, not just towards December and the return of balance but onwards to my own continual deliverance, whenever, however, and wherever that may be.
Today I had originally planned to write a blog about polarities.
Assuming I believed I knew “her”
Feeling into the hidden messages within and around me I am ready, to let go.
To move forward.
This feels like the under-“lying” theme of this lunar episode and life itself.
Connecting to our own truth.
Patience is a tree whose root is bitter, but fruit is sweet
The vision within us all, regardless of gender.
The greater perspective of who we came here to be.
Having patience with ourselves and others whilst we achieve this ongoing arrival.
Writing now, my husband- the metaphorical masculine- floored having pulled his back out carrying “too much” I feel deep compassion.
For all the times we have all over acted, pushed, stretched- forgotten our worth and the deep energy that runs through us.
The blood of Pachamama
The knowing that we are enough in each moment.
This is part of the journey.
The tree of life.
Only when we descend to our shadow can we find the roots.
What we are truly reaching for.
Why we continue to “climb”
But it is time to look at the branches we are decorating.
The items that hang from them and us.
The “dark forces” are rotting.
Confirmed yesterday externally by the passing of “Darth Vader” David Prowse.
I find myself this morning, gratefully praying that he and all aspects of this year that have taught us so much finally rest in peace.
That there be good “Wheel” to all men- that we have, as a species turned the situation upside down and truly ascended.
A bad tree cannot bear good fruit
Not falling from grace but into it.
Being the Emperors that “strike back”
Guardians of a new galaxy
Seers of the prophets we all are and always have been.
It is up to us this full moon to finally see how the villains in our life: be they dis-eases, situations, characters- have helped us cross and journey the transition of an age that was far from golden.
Including our portrayal of “her”
The Dark Goddess.
The light within the sky that guides all cycles, the mother of all “signs”
Whenever we attain a higher vision, the lower vision disappears of itself
There were several aspects this Full moon that did intrigue me when re-searching.
One from the Astrology King.
A “wise man” who pointed out two stars.
The “fixed” Aldebaran- eye of the Taurean bull known as the follower and Antares- the heart of Scorpio “end of life” constellation.
With the moon conjunct Aldebaran there is “talk” of riches, honour, integrity, and courage the benefits of violence to gain this causing sickness not to mention bull headedness!
Antares conjuncting the “Sun” can speak of false religions, treachery, destructive behaviours to oneself and ultimately others.
Highlighting the potential Macrocosmic effect occurring right now behind this festive season.
Gifting us a chance to aim for what is important to us now.
Aware of the cost on a much deeper level.
When you love what you have you have everything you need
This December unless a miracle occurs, there will be no gifts in our home.
That we can buy.
So instead I find myself with the most humbling gratitude preparing to spend time with my family.
To hold space for Despacho, a ceremony I have done for many – with lifechanging results.
But not something I have completed with them.
A sacred prayer where we will bring forward, with deepest gratitude and support from the family “tree”, all that is needed for the generations to come.
It feels so immensely powerful for us all.
With one miracle on top.
Highlighted five times over this full moon we are being gifted a unique opportunity to listen to the Goddess.
Vesta is encouraging us to look at our Hearth and Fire of life.
To spend this time nurturing our passions and creations.
Keeping many of them to ourselves for a while- not all is as it seems and not all are able to hear “her” clearly yet.
Eris reminds us that it is stillness and balance that truly empower growth within the chaos and discord she brings, for change.
Silence is the language of God all else is poor translation
To all brave enough to listen Black moon Lilith calls for the release of repressed emotions and we can expect deep healing to occur.
Whilst Ceres sings of great nurture, and the wisdom of nourishment for the collective mother wound this month.
Without this much needed communication, we will all remain deaf to the change occurring.
It is vital we open to recieve the fruits of our Ancestry.
If we are to speak “her” name with integrity.
The Golden Age
The Divine Feminine
The Sacred Masculine
The verbal sound does not really matter.
Recognition of “her” force within us is the only narrative now.
The speech of God is silence. His word is solitude.
There has always been one potential, pushing life forward.
It was here before any of us knew of its presence.
It will remain long after we have discovered it
It is found in all things.
Is the ultimate gift, teacher, healer.
Bringing faith, hope, charity to all it encounters.
It is ready to be voiced.
Without it, no matter the festival, the job, the home, the relationship, what is occurring Astrologically, no-thing is complete.
It is the light body, the Merkabah that will take us all home, to “her”
The very Temperance energy being brought forward not only towards the Solstice in Sagittarius during December but for the whole of next year.
The bigger story, beyond it all.
This Full Moon, love or at least Venus, is connecting the fixed star Acrux perfect for religious ceremony, intuition, favourable for justice and the sheer mystery of Magic.
The miracle we are branching out for
The Gemini eclipse speaks of hidden messages, of tension, of duality, wounds rising to be healed.
Because it speaks of love and what occurs when we over analyse it with our mind.
In duality it also communicates the great force and power available if we unite all aspects
Our past and present, now.
Our dark and light, here.
Our thoughts and emotions, IN action.
Choose to love with all your heart even if it sometimes breaks
Gail Lynne Goodwin
Gemini reminds us all is a mirror; all images are that which we dare to see within ourselves.
All sights are “hers”
Life is but a journey to return and unite to the voice that has always been calling us.
To remind us of the fruit growing within.
We ARE “her”
With that comes the bitter sweetness of biting into the change that has often been so misheard.
Are you ready to feed from your own discoveries.