“The futures not ours’ to see”- Unless we are born again!

Oh, life is bigger

It’s bigger Than you

and you are not me the lengths that I will go to

 The distance in your eyes

Oh no, I’ve said too much

 I set it up

That’s me in the corner

That’s me in the spotlight

Losing my religion

Trying to keep up with you

 And I don’t know if I can do it

 Oh no, I’ve said too much

 I haven’t said enough

I thought that I heard you laughing

I thought that I heard you sing

 I think I thought I saw you try

Every whisper

Of every waking hour

I’m choosing my confessions

Trying to keep an eye on you

Like a hurt lost and blinded fool, fool

 Oh no, I’ve said too much

 I set it up

Consider this

Consider this

The hint of the century

 Consider this

The slip

That brought me to my knees


What if all these fantasies Come flailing around

 Now I’ve said too much

I thought that I heard you laughing

 I thought that I heard you sing

 I think I thought I saw you try

But that was just a dream

 That was just a dream

That’s me in the corner

That’s me in the spotlight

Losing my religion

Trying to keep up with you

And I don’t know if I can do it

Oh no, I’ve said too much

 I haven’t said enough

I thought that I heard you laughing

 I thought that I heard you sing

I think I thought I saw you try

But that was just a dream





 That was just a dream,

 just a dream,

 just a dream

Songwriters: Bill Berry, Michael Stipe, Michael Mills, Peter Buck

© Universal Music Publishing Group

Can you feel it?

The Rapid Eye Movement required to see all worlds.

The vision for this upcoming moon in Virgo.

The Shaman within us all.

The ability to dream a new world into being.

I hadn’t in truth planned on writing a blog today, or last night, or even a year ago.

I had almost “given up on the idea”

Until I heard the Earth speak through me.

Late last night.

In the darkness.

A spark of Divine creation asking to be born.

I have been aware of this energy for some time now.

Despite being part of my own training, path, and Astrological birth chart, like all wheels.

It isnt until we apply what we know to life that we discover the lessons.

This is how we birth the internal Hermit.

The innermost light shining peacefully and timelessly in the heart is the real guru, all other’s merely show the way.


The infinite light within.

Only available by going deep into the darkness.

The perceived chaos.

To deliver the untapped potential residing in the creative cave, waiting for illumination.

Conceived in the Cosmic womb, where we are held

The past the present the future, really are one. They are today.

Harriet Beecher Stowe

This New moon seems to have brought so many things to a head.

A crowning of equilibrium in time for the Autumnal equinox.

The emergence of timelines, time itself!

Light and dark.

Dis-ease and healing.

Endings and beginnings.

The combining of all teachings in preparation for next year.

The Hierophant.

Starting as I had guessed a day before my 41st year.

The numerical representation of this energy to come, I have kept pretty much to myself until now.

But this is not how to discover the inner sight.

Only through sharing can we ever hope to be, well of hope.

Endurance is the silent gift that no one needs to hear


On the 26th of July, in ceremony, my candle burnt through the book of a Ganesh statue.

Writing the words ileostomy and stoma, related to an Ancestral maternal wound.

I immediately felt a story had been somehow transmuted.

He atoned Luke 22:41-44

So much so, in tears of confession, I felt the calling of the Underworld and declined!

My Leo Sun knowing best!

With no idea what this related to.

I began to feel uneasy about my own creative centre.

Doubting my own womb.

Awaiting an operation, due on the holiest of days, the Jewish day of Atonement.

I began to look at my own internal “sins” with a faint hint of my Virgo shadow side.

My moon.

The Over productive, overzealous, perfectionism.

Often leading to repetitive cycles and patterns within my own light.

Booking in my “date with destiny” on the anniversary of a retreat in Granada.

I found myself re- connecting to the Maternal lineage discovered here whilst journeying to the underworld.

The High Priestess.

Aware of a deep opportunity to look at my own health, something felt amiss.


Pray, hope, do not worry.

Saint Padre Pio

Discussing with an incredible Shamanic friend of mine the ability to track in my body.

The potential healing.

We looked at my inability to release with regards to my own family.

Suggested I perceive this “gift” as a warning system related to my own Ancestral soul.

I began to feel the weight of a vow I didnt recall making!

A generational curse.

Something often manifested when creating unconsciously.

Some rise by sun and some by Virtue fall

William Shakespeare

Around the same time my own mother became ill.

She like the Earth beneath me had become my all.

My Mother, my father, raising all four of us alone.

Often underappreciated.

Like Pachamama, she had become tired of the demands on her physical form.

I could feel the build-up of last months’ New moon in my own sun sign and my maternal ascendant, Leo.

Full of such roar.

Restricted and “told” what was best in a patriarchal system best left for the middle ages.

The repression delivered a deep awareness of my own path.

The child my Mother had created.

The patience needed to discuss at great lengths, with the medical establishment. the beliefs of my family.

The answering of questions when performing sound healing in a busy ward.

The ability to back up “woo woo” with my own medicinal knowledge.

The seeds of light, a new vision, flickering in a system revolving around health.

You need chaos in your soul to give birth to a dancing star

Friedrich Nietzsche

Unfortunately, or not as the case may be, I continued to, I believed, practice nonattachment.

As the pain increased.

Tracking beyond empathy.

Aware how terminal the diagnosis had become within me .

I stopped doubting what I was feeling and did exactly that.

Felt it.

Beyond clearing

Passed fixing

Standing in the truth of that moment, that to heal we truly must feel.

Without this no- thing can change.

At the crucifixion of my own heart, I felt the Divine within me.

I birthed faith.

Courage isnt about knowing the path, it is about taking the first step.

Katie Davis

It was time to walk the road in front of me.

The one I had been dreading as long as I could recall yet had placed one foot in front of another towards, since birth.

All my internal fears from childhood rose in front of me.

I longed to hide from this reality.

Each time I attempted to go within I would meet another mountain to climb.

There was no escape.

My own mother was sick.


“End of life”

Dear self you can only loose what you cling to


I double checked everything

Wrong medication

Emergency operations

Drastic decisions

All the time trying to remain in the light, to maintain hope.

You are not in the mountains; the mountains are within you.

John Muir

It isnt until now, a day before the New moon in Virgo I realise I have already done all I can.

I need to be, with “her” the Divine feminine within and around me.

To trust, her, me, we.

A year ago in my own Emperor vibration I found myself in Canada.

Amongst the Empress herself.

Abundant nature.

Mountain tops.

Shooting stars

My grandmother by my side in the words “kay cera cera” sung by a room of Tarot readers…. The futures not ours to see, whatever will be will be”

Preparing for despacho

My only prayer being for my family and Ancestors.

I had stepped into the Shamanic teacher I am.

Guiding others.

The Hermit had left her cave.

Self-restraint is the very keystone to the ethics of vow taking.

Mahatma Gandhi

I had made a vow.

Rather I had evolved what I had always promised.

To reconnect Pachamama to her children.

To step into the creative flow of her arms.

To return to Eden

By becoming Pachakutti, heaven on Earth, the prophecy of generations before me.

I hadn’t counted on the pain of losing all I had believed in.

To be “born again” through the unheard voice of my Mother.

The “missing” hands of Mary upon the Basilica now forming in my own throat.

The dark night of the soul is a journey into light, a journey from the darkness into strength and hidden resources of your soul.

Caroline Myss

I had not realised my lack of balance.

Despite it’s repetition.

The unnecessary endurance of a path so well-lit with the knowledge of those that had come before me.

Oblivious to their footprints, despite feeling the pain within me.

I had questioned the energy.

Had I done enough.

Been enough.

Cleared the cycles.

Each act is a virgin, even the repeated ones.

Rene char


Reciprocity can only occur if one is in right relation with their self.

Something I, like us all, often forget.

Desiring to aid others, enthralled in our purpose, engrossed in our surroundings.

Our “mission” often pushes even the Saintliest of Saints!

Often without our conscious knowing we step into the Archetype of the dark mother.

The wounded Feminine.

Birthing for others, unable to care for our own in-vironments.

Ignoring the “signs”, what was once a virtue becomes sacrificial.

The saint often portrays the Martyr.

Mother (Muh-th-er)-noun

1: Someone who will love you unconditionally until her last breath

See also “Saint” “god”

It is only now, a week into a nine-day Family Soul ceremony, I can see with expanded vision what has occurred before today.

In preparation for the months, ( with hope) years to come.

Working with Padre Pio, I recall sitting “beside” him in church in Canada.

Guided that morning to visit two places of worship.

Marvelling as I realised, they were the two opposing forces, preparing me for my own baptism.

The magnificent show of the Notre Dame Basilica, Aura-https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FV3XdOda3zM

A heart stopping, expanding, vision of light and sound.

Faith emblazoned in the five Pentacles upon its ceiling.

These two seperate establishments lead me to a further level of unity.

One, church, feminine in appearance.

Surrounded by those of an addictive nature asking for money.

Within which I” held a “meeting” with a surprising Indigenous spirit.

Questioning my own inner sight, only later did I discover this was the Sanctuary of Saint Kateri Tekakwitha.

Star of Native people and Bright light for all.

Her feast day, my own Mother’s Earth day.

“Lilly of the mohawks” best known for her dedication and virtuous Piety for all those seeking help.

The second a more restrictive venue.

Directed to me by someone without abode, yet gleeful in his approach.

Greeted, not only with the image of Padre Pio.

But the words “God, thank you for calling to those who hear your voice within their hearts”

I realised, as with all things, faith comes from how we choose to percieve spirit.

Codependant, disempowering, or free in our actions.

To be a virgin, is to be free, a woman of independent autonomy, untied creativity.

Madison Griffiths

I am not “religious” in the sense that no one belief guides me other than my own heart.

My own light.

My own connection.

Yet, like us all, at times this can become blinded.

The year 20.20 has been an incredible eye opener to the reality of my own vision.

Stretching me beyond what I have learned.

Not by discovering more.

If anything I have abstained from extra courses, teachings, qualifications.

Knowing in true Medicine wheel structure, we are all teachers and students of the one faith.


Application of all we know, here, now, in each moment the true testimony of any existence.

So what happens then when this is lost.

Those who dwell among the beauties and mysteries of the Earth are never alone or weary of life.

Rachel Carson

We discover another level

One that will take us higher than before, by burying us deeper than other routes.

We merge the past, the present, the future into one.

The light becomes available in and of the darkness.

We let life become bigger, bigger than us.

We try

We cry

We finally step into the cave of the unknown.

We walk the beauty way, not through the avoidance of pain but it is detachment.


Not to fix.

To love.


The chaos or void of the Mother

Love is an involuntary reaction to virtue

Stefan Molyneaux

This week saw me held in the arms of my own.

Opening to the truth of her within me.


I felt a healing like nothing I have ever experienced.

The very thing I believed had separated us was indeed the deepest similarity we had ever shared.

Our blood.

Her blood.

The waters of Pachamama, Amaru, the great Serpant of the South, now, in this moment.

Held within the wombs of all who had come before us.

In this space I/we became a conduit.

Here I healed my own Lilith, The dark Feminine, in Virgo within me.

I felt the release of all the women before me and those to come.

The pain of such emotions birthing through my being.

We are born to love; we live to love, and we die to love still more.

Saint Joseph

My mother feeling the love of all she is through me.

Through her.

I felt our vow.

I, she, we were always enough

In a cycle that I know will continue beyond me, beyond time, eternally.

All separation removed.

Oneness, to a space passed Death.

A knowing that will serve to light my path here.

To give hope.

That all endurances end.

All wheels turn.

All are born to die, “reborn.”

That no matter how many tuning forks, herbs, journeys I partake in it is this vision that heals.

Bridging the gap between one world and the next.

Uniting time

Walking the knifes edge of detached awareness.

It is this Temperance energy that will cross so many over to the next year in their life, whatever stage that may be.

Do not remind the world that it is sick and troubled, remind it that it is beautiful and free.


This week my own mother has somehow, with the help of foreseen operations, surprised many.

Like Benjamin button she appears to be going “backwards”.

Like us all over the next decade, her body is upgrading.

With openness to healing, faith, and a renewed deep interest in other modalities of her health, alongside my family, she and they are merging all aspects of their soul.

My own procedure has cancelled and reallocated.

The removal of many obstacles within my own creative womb.

Not only prohibiting me from releasing old cycles but overflowing with blocked potential.

“At-one-ment” achieved, it now lingers on the day before the next Full Moon in Aries.

The beginning of an Astrological year.

Reflecting my own Ascendant.

This “space” also houses Chiron, the Wounded healer, and my own Hierophant!

Even now with the New moon fast approaching, I sense we are far from being through the woods.

But there is light at the end of the proverbial tunnel, whatever that may be for us.

Even, no especially now, I hold great hope in my heart.

Start by doing what is necessary

Then do what is possible

Next you are doing the impossible

St Francis of Assisi

Passing a statue of St Francis in the hospital recently.

On the anniversary of my father’s death (9.9.99)

The dedicational plaque from the Free Masons, linked to my own Paternal heritage.

The inscription from “Terry” ( my father’s name) thanking the staff for an extra nine years of life.

I continue to dream.

To wish upon the star that guides me.

My faith.

Not born from the light but the depths of the Underworld.

My own connection to Pachamama.

The communication from my Great mother.

The Earth has music for those who listen


It is this beat, rhythm, that will aid the climbing of some monumental mountains to come.

The rediscovery of a deeper Religion.

Beneath us.


A reconnection to ourselves the teacher.

Only through listening to her heartbeat will we be of service to ourselves and others.

Words can inspire and words can destroy, choose yours well.

Robin Sharma

With Virgo and Mercury so very well placed this Thursday, any steps made in the remainder of this year suggests a slow harvest and long term combination of all lessons.

A multilingual communication of beliefs

The descent of 2020 has birthed some incredible intuitive knowledge.

Once hidden it is now for those that have travelled the darkened path, to bring these teachings, into all they create.

At a monumental gestational stage in Pachamama’s’ development.

Only now with grace and virtue can the steps to lead these “old yet new ways” be born.

This takes listening.


Sacred witnessing of your own and others’ pilgrimages.

Allowing the journey to be “whatever it will be”

Only here in this expanded awareness can all potentials become visible.

Only here are dreams realised.

Now as I surrender the Leo sun within me.

Descend into the dark night and hold space for tomorrows’ and my own Virgoan Moon.

I prepare for a path I know but have yet to discover.


Aware of my own vices, the crutches that have aided me for so long.

Rather than seek guidance from a religion outside of me, I am to go within.

To observe my own footprint, legacy, here on the earth.

My why

My who

My how

Divinely guided by the Virtue of Pachamama.

I had until this morning,intend to connect with the Dreams of Gaia, quite literally.

Through a new deck of Tarot, a combination of skills and structures needed to birth my own Archetype.

Becoming all characters within my own “image- of- a- nation”.

The hopes and wishes I long to envision.

Now, having done so for daily guidance I “see” this isn’t necessary.

My own Virgo corn maiden knows who she is and what works, what yields results.

Instead as always I remain “open to change” even at the last minute.

There is no truth there is only perception

Gustave Flaubert

From midnight UK time to 3pm tomorrow, watch how you communicate on all levels.

To yourself and others https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nb2DTKTwYdY

Is it from a place of unconditional love?

Do you need a space to be held?

To be seen.

Where ceremonies, dream weaving, guidance, art therapy and voicing our desires with creative harmony, are some of the many subjects “studied”- https://www.facebook.com/groups/200334081120129

Are your dreams in alignment with Pachamama?

Conceived from abundance https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kH1f7pIHiyI&list=PLEGKLUwP0-nLajVE_UjjA7RHL3rA5or3q&index=5

Are you being of service or demanding to be served? https://kirstydignam.co.uk/testimonial/with-my-eternal-gratitude/

Become your own faith.

Create your own beliefs.

Walk the path of the Shaman.

Retrieve your own Medicine.

Raise the vibration of the contracts you have agreed upon.

Convert Sacrifice to commitment https://kirstydignam.co.uk/contact/

Look at what you are birthing and why.

Heal the mother Archetype within you.

Seek out midwives to help witness the glorious evolution of your own sacred virtues- https://kirstydignam.co.uk/services/

There is no denying that any conceptions on this super Lunar phase are going to bring long term benefits.

Do you need help in recognising what these could be- https://www.facebook.com/middleagedmadwoman

Accept who you are in your natural perfection, this is all any mother wants of her child.

In deepest munay


Are you ready to push for the arrival of the world your Ancestors will inherit.

Birthed from the light you have carried.

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