I woke late this morning, whenever I do this, I berate myself.
Despite only missing out on cleaning, I felt guilty at putting my own emotional and physical needs first.
Rising to an unplanned, inner cycle, my objectives of bringing in the new year now thwart I felt the metaphorical walking away from the deep slumber and low mood incredibly difficult.
Checking my Facebook posts I found a picture related to our inner monsters and letting go and a wonderful scene from a sacred fire I had held, the flames forming a bird rising, a character walking away and a heart over the right shoulder, I began to wonder what the universe was suggesting I transform and burn.
I knew to truly discover this I needed to let go of future ideas for a second like my cycle let it all end.
Go within and face my demons.
My shadow, that had woken before me this morning and waited at the bottom of my bed for me to open my eyes and in great delight murmur “you’re up!”
A wonderful New Year’s Eve greeting!
But I guess that’s the point it is the EVE before the new year!
Meditating as guided, I let my mind wander, no set intentions, being with my emotions or the emotions within me.
Not the stories, the underlying feeling.
They felt sacred somehow, as though their time was ending.
And, it was, this was the last time I would be this version of me! I took that in with each breath and embraced it, savored it and me with all the love I deserved.
The “pain” in my right shoulder no longer separate from myself or aching womb, I felt the energy shift like my fire and rise from me.
Shuffling the Tarot as I do every morning, I selected the one that flipped out the one that ironically picked me!
Tuning in without looking, removing any assumptions, I could feel the more direct energy of the Rider-Waite I had chosen. Smaller in size and stricter, plainer manageable energy I felt I needed to get to the point and see things for what they were.
Watching the leaves outside, card in hand I began to go into trance.
Observing their elegant blood red release, much like my own cycle, from the tree, I heard the song slow down- so I did.
Enjoying the gap between each breath, the death breathing practice, I found myself pausing on all levels and my body expand into my soul, not the other way around.
Visualising in my mind’s eye the Moon card I again wondered what illusion I was not seeing ( a definite theme to come for next year as written in my latest blog.)
Hearing the song bring it back to me, I knew in all my senses to stop chasing the dream outside of myself and find the happiness that lies within, without this all hopes and ideas would fall prey to the same illusion and ultimate leaving of my own energy.
Clearly, in my third eye seeing a tunnel with the light at the end, I found myself being guided at first by a character in a cloak and then becoming them. The outside dark I willed it to show light, utilised and bent my imagination to form the sun. As I did so the entrance closed, the figure disappeared and I found myself inside a mountain with water running nearby whispering the words “you can’t make it something it isn’t, it just is”.
Turning the card over I saw myself clearly in every aspect of the eight of cups in my hand.
Tonight, is the Eve of a new year, a new decade but ultimately a new you!
Take a moment to enjoy, love and embrace where you are without deciding where you are going.
We create from the space we are in, if we don’t truly look at this energy from a place of non-judgment or assumptions but love, ourselves included we never truly form new ideas or habits but solutions to the same “problems,”
We never truly walk away.
As Einstein once said you cannot change something with the same energy.
Enjoy your day, your moment, your second, your life you will never get any of it again in the same way, see it for what it is.